In my last Facebook post, I shared a video by Dr. Henry Cloud that offers a clear way to understand boundaries. It’s simple, but effective: if your neighbor’s tree falls in your yard, it’s your neighbor’s responsibility to remove it. Sounding simple and being simple are not always the same thing, especially when it comes to people.

Many Christians have heard the verse from Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” But we aren’t always reminded of what is said just a few lines later in verse 5, “For all must carry their own loads.” So, bear one another’s burdens and carry our own loads? That seems like a tall order. Instead, I like to think of it as a reminder to engage in caring for people the way Christ calls us to, but also recognizing what is ours to carry and what is not. Caring for people means actively engaging in feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the poor, loving the unlovable, and doing what you can to make sure others have what they need. However, Christ does not ask us to take other’s worries as our own, and certainly not to the point of ignoring what our own responsibilities are. Even with our own family, we are called to help, but we are not called to control. God gave us free will: the ability to make our own choices. So, we must allow people to make their own decisions and choices. Their choices are not a reflection of those who help, but a reflection of who they are. It does not mean we stop caring, it is simply a reminder of what to carry.

Healthly boundaries allow all of us to carry what is ours. We are not responsible for someone else’s happiness nor are they responsible for ours. We are not responsible for the decisions that other people make nor are they responsible for ours. Boundaries are not set to prevent you from helping others, they are set to encourage people to make good decisions for themselves. You can provide all that is needed to lead someone in a good direction, but the steps are theirs to take, and the decisions are theirs to own.

*Please note that this does not apply to unhealthy relationships, instances of abuse, imprisonment, slavery or other forms of forcibly controlling people. Additionally, I acknowledge and recognize that many care for people with special needs who may require assistance in making decisions due to complex situations.